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So his myspace says In a relationship and he has a blog about how much he missed Kristin and how happy she makes him, who I was supposedly friends with, and they're going to Niagra falls this weekend.. Great.. all that talk about how he can't have a relationship in the army.. bullsh*t! What a jerk.. But if he can do this to me, he'd do it to her too.

Dear Soldier,

It's been far too long. You're so far away now, and there's nothing I can do. Please allow me to say thanks to you. Thank you for fighting for me, and everyone else, I'm sure you don't hear it enough. I appreciate what you're doing, and your work has not gone unnoticed. 

However, the day you left, I fell apart. It seemed my happiness went on that plane with you. I know there's not much I can do, to change your mind about the relationship you left behind. All I can do is support you as best as I can, as a best friend instead of a girlfriend. When you hold out your hand I'll be the first to grab it. When you're looking up at the stars from down on that desert sand, know that I'm looking of them too, as I think of you. Hold your love close soldier, keep your head high, we love you back home, and can't wait to say hi. 

Even though I have shed many tears for you and for us. I know in your heart you still love me somewhat, as I love you just as much. I know you're confused and unsure what to think but, know that I'm here and you're in my thoughts and dreams. I loved you since we met back when I was thirteen, now at twenty, you're still the man of my dreams. Even though I can't have you soldier, you'll always be mine in the back of my mind. No one will ever take your place. I never thought it'd come to this or that I'd end up a military girlfriend, let alone an ex military girlfriend. It's so much harder than I could ever imagine. I will always stick by your side, I'd never leave you at a time like this. I'm not cold hearted enough to just say goodbye and leave you while you're at war. 

I'm proud of you soldier, and behind every soldier there is a girl, whether she be his girl or not, that soldier is still her world. I understand why you left somewhat, but I still don't think it was right. There's nothing I can do to change you're mind. All I know is that I'm still here, at home, and hopefully I'll see you when you're on R&R. I will hold on tight for you, so I know you can make it through, if there's anything you should ever need, don't hisitate to come to me. 

It will always hurt when I see you, but it's okay, cause I know you don't want to hurt me in any way. Throw on you're camo and get ready for battle, and when you come home here I'll be waiting so patiently. I must go for now soldier, lay my head down to sleep. And when I wake up, I'll be praying for a wars end and peace.

Love,
Shari

Current Mood:

anxious

It's hard to believe
It's only been a few days
When it seems like forever
Every minute
Of every day
Seems like a year
It's so hard to take
Knowing you're half way around the world
Gun in hand
Defending our flag that waves freely

While you're gone
I will keep your picture
With me at all times
And when get lonely
Amongst all that desert sand
Know that there's not enough
To keep me from holding your hand
Know that for every tear that falls
I'm here waiting
And with my every dream
I dream of you
And with my every thought
You're love is with me
So don't ever feel lonely

Hold on tight love
We can make it through this rough ride
And we'll be together
Once your fingers intertwine with mine
Baby, I promise I won't let go
With every down moment
With every doubt
Baby know that you're in my heart
And I'm right there beside you
Even when you can't see me
Because when I think of the future
I only see you and I
There's no other choice but to let our love thrive

If I had to give up everything
To be your girl
I would
Because no one completes me
Like you
When I smile
I smile because I know I have you
While you're gone
And you're feeling down
Close your eyes
And remember
No matter what
I'm always stading tall by your side

I Love You Soldier



This Is Dedicated To The Memories Of What We Used To Have...

Current Mood:

bored

It all started harmless. Contacting a friend I had known for six years. He had joined the service so we lost touch. I found him on myspace and added him. I asked if he remembered me and he replied "of course, how could I forget". Now, I'm wondering if he wanted to forget. We continued talking.. we talked for hours and he was telling me what it was like being stationed away from home. I told him I missed hanging out with him and how much i wanted to see him again and that I liked him for the past six years but.. was way too scared to tell him. He told me he felt the same. To make a long story short, he made me an Army girlfriend that day. I was so happy and he went on his webcam to show me his room and his crazy roomie. He was full of laughs and smiles, god, I've never seen him smile like that for as long as I've known him. Soon after, he told his Army friends about me and his sister and even his mother, and he told me he wanted to marry me. He said after all these years, there's got to be something special between us since we've both wanted to be with each other for so long. The closer it got to his date of deployment, the less he started talking, and the more weird he started acting. I didn't know what to do, and I kept asking him if things were okay, and he would say I don't know, I'm rethinking things, not just us, everything. Three days before he left for Iraq he told me he don't want to be with me anymore. It's not fair I have to wait for him and he don't want me to worry. He said he don't want to date until he's out of the military. He plans on being in there for another seven years or so.. I highly doubt he's really gonna wait that long to find another girl. He told me recently he don't want to accidentally hurt me or worry me too bad so it's best we stay good friends cause he don't want to lose that. It's so hard.. so unbelievably hard to support him and love him when he does nothing but push me away. I made a promise to him when we started dating, I said I would be home and I would be by his side the whole time he was gone. I'm trying my best to, but he won't even give me his address, he says he keeps forgetting it, but for some reason, I don't think that's the case. I talked to him a few days ago and I tried to brighten things up. I had said "I wish we could be together on New Years Eve", he said "why's that," I said "well, I think it'd be fun and maybe I'd have someone to kiss at midnight for once", he then replied, "sigh", and i said "I'm sorry, did I upset you, are you okay?", he then signed off. I know it wasn't the internet over there cause he was still signed on msn and also on myspace. It's hard for me.. I just don't know what to think. I'm trying to heal things but.. it's just not working. Truth is, I worry about him every minute of every day, and all I want is for  him to come home safe and secure. I wanna be able to hug him like I used to.. and I know he'll never be the same man he was.. It's hard to face that.. but it's the truth. It's just something I'll have to get used to. 


It's hard to deal with all of this and I'm trying to be as strong as I can for him. I pour my heart out to him and drive myself crazy trying to keep things intact and him happy and hopeful. I also decided to write our men and women overseas who don't get a whole lot of mail through anysoldier.com. I love hearing from soldiers, and I can't do anything but thank them for everything they've done to keep me safe over here. They are wonderful, although I won't hear from all of them, it's nice to hear from at least one or two. I wish all of our troops the best of luck.

Current Mood:

okay